An Intervention
by Arogustus
Summary: With a hotel staff as eclectic as the one from the Last Resort, they are bound to have issues that annoy each other. The solution? Daily interventions. Or: The ghosts annoy each other with their habits and they hold interventions to do something about it.
1. Clem

**AN: So, on a discord group I was on, someone showed a video involving James Veitch and ducks. People compared it to Clem, and it all snowballed from there. So, here is the end result.**

**Luigi's Mansion 3 is owned by Nintendo**

* * *

Clem was floating towards the staff break room, Steward having called for a staff meeting. He found it strange since they only held these meetings later in the day, and it was morning right now. Must be an emergency. When he entered the break room however, he realized that this was no ordinary staff meeting.

All of his coworkers were seated in a semi-circle, and they were all staring at him. Some of them were giving him a look of barely restrained rage. Others just looked disappointed in him. Sitting in the center of the semi-circle was the gardener of the 7th floor, the botanist Dr. Potter, who cleared his throat and began to speak to him.

"Sit down, sonny. We need to have a talk." He pointed at the chair in the front of the room, gesturing Clem to sit down. The mechanic complied, still wondering what this was all about.

"Did Ah… did Ah do something wrong?"

"Oh, I think you know exactly what you've done." The pianist, Amadeus Wolfgeist, said with barely restrained anger, which only grew when Clem simply scratched his head in confusion. Dr. Potter intervened to make sure things didn't escalate too far.

"Clem, we need to talk about the ducks."

"What ducks?"

"All of the ducks."

It finally dawned on Clem what the others were mad about. "Oooooohhh, those ducks!... What about em?"

Kruller and Ug had to hold of Amadeus from rushing at Clem and strangling him to second death. Once they managed to calm him down, Potter resumed. "Look, sonny, we all think you have a problem. We've been finding your ducks everywhere in the hotel. Just today I found all of my fertilizer bags full of them, and while I appreciate the gesture, the others aren't as happy about it."

"Wait, we're supposed to be mad at him?" Gloria, the DJ of the 14th floor, said in a confused tone. "I thought we were thanking him. The dance hall had the little boogers everywhere." She pulled out an example of the rubber ducks in her dance hall, which was wearing a miniature version of her wig. "They all got these cute little wigs on them. I love them all so much."

"Well you might like them, but for some of us, it's starting to get really annoying." Steward, the bellhop/receptionist of the hotel pointed out. "Everywhere I go, I keep finding them. I go pick up someone's luggage, boom, duck underneath! I open the drawers at the reception desk, boom, ducks! I take off my hat, boom, duck! It's getting really disturbing."

"Not to mention that the guests are finding them too." Chambrea, the maid, pointed out as well. "I've even found them inside of my hair. How are you doing that?"

Clem simply chuckled, rubbing his hand on his chest. "Thas a magician's secret. Tellin ya would ruin the fun."

Kruller decided to add his own two cents to the conversation. "No offense, buddy, but you're also replacing some valuable stuff with those things. Every time I go check out the Lost and Found, I keep finding ducks where the found stuff should be. Where are you hiding all of it?"

"Not to mention you keep stealing ze actual ducks in my kitchen!" The chef, Soulfflé, threatened Clem with his pan. "What have you done with zem!"

"Those ducks? Ah think Ah ate them. Lemme tell ya, Ah think they taste better raw than they do when ya cook them. But that's just ma opinion."

Before the chef could attack him, Wolfgeist cleared his throat, calling everyones attention. "Before the chef, and most importantly I tear you apart into pieces like an artist does with terrible musical compositions, I would like to think we all want to air our grievances with you." The rest of the staff nodded in agreement, cueing Wolfgeist to continue. "Good, let me explain my situation. You see, I was preparing to practice my latest performance in the auditorium, when I suddenly notice that every single chair has a duck sitting on it. Normally I would be angry, but they were all appropriately dressed for the occasion, so I decide to let it slide. But then I try to play my piano, and what do I find but the entire THING STUFFED WITH DUCKS TO THE BRIM!" He calmed himself down after that last part, patting his hair back into its neatly combed state. "Anyone else want to air their grievances?"

King Macfrights, owner of castle Macfrights, plopped down a blanket covered basket in front of him. "So, I wake up to a beautiful mornin, and I go to my armory to practice my sword fighting. And what do I see when I open the thing? Ducks! And what do I not see? My swords!" He pulled the blanket of the basket, revealing several destroyed rubber ducks. Clem gasped in horror, clutching his hat to his chest as Macfrights glared at him. "Return my swords immediately, or I'll do to you what I did to the ducks!"

"Ah, before you do that, why don't I tell my part?" Morty tried to de-escalate the situation by telling his own story. "You see, I was entering my studio so that I could work on one bringing one of my latest visions into reality. I enter one of the sets to have the Goobs prepare it, and I find out that every square inch of it has been covered in an utterly improbable amount of ducks! I've been forced to delay the entire event until my crew can finish cleaning everything up."

"Ug have bigger problems than camera man." Ug, the caveghost, interrupted. "Ug wake up to go fight scary bone lizard again, and Ug find duckies everywhere on floor. Ug even find in boney lizards. Ug scared for duckies. Ug kill boney lizards."

Everyone stared at Serpci, who realized it was her turn and cleared her throat. "Well, I was preparing myself to train my powers this morning. When I leave my room, I find that all of the sand has been replaced by ducks. I'm not mad about it, but it's a chore just getting rid of them, so I would like it if you stopped doing that."

"You think you guys have problems?" Lindsey, the magician triplet with the ponytail, piped up. "Our room is flooded with those stupid things!"

"Yeah, we were practicing our magic, and suddenly ducks started pouring out of Ginny's hat!" Nikki, the triplet with pigtails and no bangs, added. It was then that Clem noticed something off about the trio.

"Hey wait a minute. Ain't there supposed to be three of ya?"

"Duh! Except Ginny is now missing in a room full of ducks! We've been digging through the pile for an hour and we still haven't found her yet!"

* * *

Ginny was sitting in what looked like a cavern made out of rubber ducks, her only source of light being a flashlight she managed to find in the flood of ducks. "Nikky?! Lindsey?! You guys are still looking for me, right?!" She got no response. Sighing, she started to look around, spotting a particular duck with a top hat on it. She pulled it out and stared at it for a few seconds. "Hmmmm, I'm gonna call you… Archibald."

* * *

"So, I wake up in my bed, and I notice that there be no light comin from the surface. I be thinking "Huh, I musta woken up before the lights turned on." But then I swim up to the surface and I find that there be ducks floating everywhere, and they were blocking all of the light. I ended up oversleeping because a those things." Fishook, pirate captain and owner of the Spectral Catch, told his story, taking a sip of his coffee as he gestured at Johnny to give his story.

"Dude, you took all the weights on my barbells and replaced them with rubber ducks. I can't lift weights with those things. If I don't keep up my weightlifting regime, I'm gonna start losing muscle definition. So not cool bro."

"The point is, sonny, you spreading around your rubber ducks around the hotel is starting to cause a lot of problems for us. We would all really appreciate if you stopped doing that. You can keep all of the ducks you want, but we can't have you doing these things again. Can you promise us that?" Potter asked Clem, who scratched his head in thought, before sighing and conceding to the demands.

"Alright, alright, I'll stop doing it. But ya'll have to agree, we gotta do these interventions fer everyone. Especially pertaining to a certain someone who keeps playing his bagpipes at 3AM."

"You stole my swords and trapped a child in a room full of ducks! This is way more important than my playing music in the morning!" He floated towards Clem, grabbed him by his collar and started to drag the mechanic to the elevator, the remaining two triplets not far behind. The remaining staff members started to leave as well, but not before Amadeus gestured at Potter to stay behind for the moment.

"I hope your hope on the mechanic is not misplaced, doctor. If I do end up finding my piano stuffed with those things however, I will hunt him down and kill."

"No, I don't have much hope for Clem. Chances are he's gonna do it again in a few months. Just make sure to lock your piano every night. At least you can stop him that way."

* * *

**AN: He would once again flood the entire hotel with ducks 6 months later, proving once in for all that no amount of counseling can control what a ghost does with his ducks.**


	2. Steward

**An Intervention**

**Steward**

**Since College has been bombarding me with assignments, I'll have to postpone the next chapter of The Last Resort's Special Guest for next Wednesday. Have this to keep you guys satisfied until I finish.**

**Luigi's Mansion 3 is owned by Nintendo**

* * *

"Stewy, can we ask you a question?"

Steward looked up from the break room fridge, finding that his coworkers were staring at him with a look of disappointment. Kruller and Chambrea were at the table, Serpci and Gloria floating next to one of the coffee pots and Fishook and Clem both leaning against the walls, all with mugs in hand/fin. Steward gulped before looking at Kruller.

"Su- sure. What is it?"

"When was the last time you slept?"

Steward stared at Kruller with a neutral expression on his face. An awkward silence fell in the break room, occasionally interrupted by Fishook and Gloria taking a sip of their coffee.

…

The silence was still going.

…

"I don't understand the question." This elicited groans from everyone in the break room. Steward, on his part, stared incredulously at everyone, wondering why any of this was a problem. "Seriously, what's the problem? We're dead, we don't need to sleep anymore."

"That might be true, Steward, but we all have limits." Chambrea tried to explain to the bellhop ghost. "We can still end up pushing ourselves too hard. Why did you think Mrs. Hellen set up a curfew for all of us back when she was in charge?"

"Because a certain someone," Steward pointed at Gloria, who was currently pouring herself a second cup of coffee. Or third. Who knows? "decided it was a grand idea to have a dance party for two weeks straight!" The disc jockey glared at the bellhop in response to his claim. "Besides, when Miss Gravely found out I was skipping curfew to work overtime, she gave me a dollar raise. She clearly recognizes a good worker when she sees one." He puffed his chest in pride, ignoring the stares of incredulousness from the other ghosts.

Serpci put aside her cup of coffee, signaling Gloria to give it a refill while she clapped her hands together and gave her response to Stewards claim. "First of all, Steward, I think Hellen was taking advantage of you in regards to your disregards for curfew." Steward glared at her in response. She simply ignored it as she continued. "Second of all, while we all truly appreciate all of the hard work you put into helping us out in our day to day lives and making everyones stay in the hotel the most wonderful experience imaginable, there comes a point were all of us begin to worry for your own persona health. A good worker is one who is able to balance his personal life and work life in such a way that they are still able to live comfortably without having to break their back helping others."

Steward stared at Serpci as if she grew a second head, clearly very confused by what she just said. "That makes no sense. Aren't you from ancient times? Didn't workers back then slave away hours on end to build your pyramids? I deeply respect those guys by the way."

"I most certainly did not make my workers do that! What in the name of the gods would make you think that!?" The glare Serpci gave him was withering, causing Steward to flinch and shrink into himself in fear. The queen realized what she was doing and quickly worked at regaining her composure. She was not Wolfgeist, she was a queen, dammit! "I gave my workers plenty of time off, reasonable work hours _and_ organized trivia nights for them!"

"Fer the ocean's sake!" Captain Fishook shouted, startling the others. "We've been at this fer five minutes!" He turned towards Steward and glared at him, spooking the bellhop. "Look laddie, we appreciate all yer hard work and all, but if ya don't take a break right now, I'll take care of the problem meself and make sure ya don't wake up till next month!"

"Ok, now calm down, Fishook." Clem intervened. "Ah think Ah know what his problem is. He thinks that sleeping is gonna make him less good at his job. Well lemme tell ya, yer wrong on that part. Ah sleep all the time and I'm still a dang good mechanic, ain't Ah?"

The others gave the mechanic a simple stare of disbelief, as Gloria reached out to the break room sink and turned the valve. Instead of water coming out, the faucet simply made a nasty ratting noise for a few seconds, until a rubber duck popped out and fell into the sink with a squeak. Still no water. Clem, for his part, simply took a sip of his coffee. "Ok, so I'm not the best example, but ya gotta admit I'm right, ain't Ah?"

"The point is, Steward, we are all worried for your personal health, and we would appreciate it more if, instead of working, you took the day off for yourself while we deal with everything ourselves. You won't get fired, nothing is going to catch fire and the universe won't implode." The ghostly maid reassured the bellhop.

"And if you don't want to do it for yourself, then do it for me. Do it for us." Kruller added as well.

The ghostly bellhop stared as everyone in the room, including Fishook, smiled at him. They clearly cared about him and wanted the best for him.

"Wow, that is… that is very nice of you all to say. I didn't know you guys appreciated me so much." Everyone's smiles grew wider, hopeful that he has finally come around…

"But I'm not doing that." Except no, he didn't. "I promised myself when I died that from then on, I would never, ever take a moments rest until everyone is 100% satisfied with my work. And until that day comes, and for as long as I remain in this plain of existence, I will never, ever take single break! Ever!" He puffed his chest out in pride, either ignoring or not noticing the disappointment from everyone in the room.

"Oh well, we tried at least." Serpci shrugged her shoulders as she grabbed a cup of coffee, filled it up with the pot next to her and handed it over to Steward. "At least have some coffee before you go. It's a special brew I used to make back when I was alive. It's especially delicious for ghosts."

"Why thank you." Steward drank from the cup. He was surprised at the lack of bitterness that was usually found in coffee. "Ooh, this is good. What did you uuuusuuussseeeeeeuggghhhh." He tried to say, only to lose consciousness and fall onto the floor. When the other ghosts casually floated over to inspect him, they found him snoring away peacefully.

"Man, I can't believe we had to actually do that. I feel bad now." Kruller mulled to himself. How else would someone feel when drugging their boyfriend, anyway? Serpci simply put a hand on his shoulder to reassure him.

"We all knew it was going to come down to this. He's remarkably stubborn. At least now he won't be waking up till tomorrow."

Chambrea signaled Kruller to help her lift the bellhop. With Steward in their arms, they headed of towards the RIP Suites to look for a room to put him in so he could, for once in his unlife, sleep. The rest remained in the break room.

After a few seconds of scratching his head, Clem turned towards the two women, asking them something that had been perplexing him throughout the whole intervention. "Hey, weren't ya two drinking from that pot? How on earth ain't you two unconscious like him?"

"I was a queen, Clem. Assassinations via poisoning were quite common. I put an effort in making sure I was immune to all kinds of poisons and sedatives, this one included."

"Well what's yer excuse?" Fishook asked Gloria.

"I'm a living dynamo, baby! I've got so much energy in me I could down the entire pot and still stay awake for the next week." A moment of silence overcame the room as everyone stared at Gloria. She broke that silence with a challenge. "Wanna see if I'm right?"

"I got a 20 in that ya don't make it halfway."

"And Ah say she pass out when she finishes."

"Really you two? Betting on my beloved on whether she can survive such a potent brew… with such small bets? You insult me. I bet 100 in that she doesn't pass out _and _drinks it all in one go."

"I love you guys so much." Gloria grabbed the pot and started drinking from it to the chanting of "Chug! Chug! Chug!" from the other three.

* * *

**Steward got a full day of sleep and has learned the wonders of having a proper sleep schedule. Gloria passed out two days later and slept for an entire week. Serpci lost 140 that day, to the delight of Fishook and Clem, and to her own dissatisfaction.**


	3. Nikki, Lindsey and Ginny

**The highly requested triplets chapter is here.**

**Luigi's Mansion 3 is owned by Nintendo.**

* * *

"Heeheehee."

"Shh! Be quiet!"

"Yeah, he could show up any minute now."

The triplets whispered to each other as they hid in the rafters of the Great Stage auditorium. From their perch they could see their most recent masterpiece of a prank: Amadeus Wolfgeists piano, decorated to have lipstick, rosy cheeks and girly eyelashes with one of Hellen's leftover makeup cases. They were awaiting the arrival of the piano's owner to bare witness to his guaranteed spectacular reaction, which would likely result in one very angry pianist chasing three giggling magicians around the hotel. A price to pay for art, but a price worth paying.

"Let me tell you, this has to be your greatest prank yet, Ginny." Nikki told her sister. "It's almost as great as one of mine. Almost of course since I'm the best."

"Nikki, what did we say about giving half assed compliments?" Lindsey chided her.

"That I can get away with them?"

"…Seriously, didn't you listen to anything I said!?"

"Guys! Shhhh. He's coming!" Ginny appeared between her feuding sisters, pointing towards the door to the dressing room where a certain pianist ghost fazed through and floated towards the piano. The triplets did their best to contain their giggles as they watched Amadeus stop in his tracks as he bore witness to the piano's new design.

Instead of flipping out in rage and yelling out their names however, the pianist simply stared at the piano with the same look of disinterest he usually had. The triplets were surprised by this, and Lindsey was the first to react.

"What's wrong with Mister Wolfgeist? This isn't how he usually acts."

"Oh no, I think we broke him! Maybe we did go too far this time?"

"Either that or your prank was so lame he couldn't feel bothered to react at all."

"Nikki. Don't make me pin the blame on you for last weeks bathroom prank."

"Or what, Lindsey? You know I'll just take the blame and let the others believe I was the sole mastermind."

"Ummm, guys? Wolfgeist's gone."

Nikki and Lindsey ceased their argument to look at the stage and noticed that indeed, the pianist had disappeared.

The three felt a chill crawl up their nonexistent spines, and they slowly turned around to see Wolfgeist floating behind them, the same deadpan look still on his face. Nikki shoved Lindsey forward, and after casting a brief glare at her, Lindsey began to speak.

"Uhhhh, good evening Mister Wolfgeist! We didn't think we'd see you here! We were just, ummm… checking out the rafters for Ginny's rubber ducky, Artibald! (_It's Archibald!_) Yeah, what she said. Anyway, we definitely didn't have anything to do with the wonderful new design of your piano, no siree we didn't!" She desperately tried to salvage the situation, believing that Wolfgeist had achieved a new level of rage that he was going to take out on them.

Wolfgeist, for his part, simply kept staring at the three, his face having not changed at all during Lindsey's explanation. He then suddenly raised his arm, hovered it over the three…

And grabbed Nikki, tucking her under his arm. He then did the same for Lindsey, before floating down from the rafters and making his way towards the elevator. Ginny simply followed the pianist, wondering what all of this was about.

* * *

The door to the staff's meeting room was opened as Wolfgeist, two of the three triplets under his arms, and the last one following, entered the room. He plopped down the two on some chairs, Ginny joining soon after, and he floated towards his own chair. The triplets took notice of what was in front of them: several staff members of the Last Resort, specifically Steward, Chambrea, Potter, Clem, and Fishook, along with the aforementioned Amadeus Wolfgeist, were all sitting in a semi-circle in front of them. They were all staring at them with the same look Amadues had. Finding the whole thing familiar, Nikki decided to break the silence.

"Clem! What did you do this time?!"

"Nikki, behave." Chambrea said. "You three know exactly what you are here for."

The triplets stared at each other nervously, knowing what this was all about.

"For the past month, you three have been pulling some rather intense pranks on us." Chambrea continued. "There was that incident with Johnny and the pool."

* * *

Johnny whistled a tune as he flew towards the diving board. Once he was on, he dove of it and into the water for his morning swim…

Only to find himself unable to move as he realized the water in the pool had somehow transformed into gelatin.

"OH GOD! HELP! MY BOD CAN'T BREAK THROUGH THE JELLY!"

* * *

"Or what you did to Fishook."

* * *

"Well what do we have here?" Fishook said as he took notice of the delicious looking fish dangling above the waters surface. Shark instincts kicking in, he swam towards his dangling lunch, lurched out of the water and clamped down on it…

Only to realize that the fish was made out of peanut butter, leaving him unable to open his mouth. As he dangled on the string, he saw as the three culprits laughed themselves silly on the deck of his ship.

* * *

"Three days, kids. It took me three days before I finally got me mouth unstuck. THREE DAYS!" The triplets flinched as Captain Fishook yelled at them.

"And don't even get us started on what happened to poor Kruller." Chambrea said.

"It's been a week and he still won't go anywhere near the coffee shop." Steward pointed out, giving an uncharacteristic glare at them.

"And the worst part is that was all this week alone." Dr. Potter pointed out. "You've been doing things like this for years since you three first came to this hotel, and we are all starting to get sick of it."

The adults in the room stared at the three troublemakers.

"Uh, give us a second to discuss somethings." Lindsey said as she and her sisters huddled together. She started to whisper to them as she looked at the glaring adults behind her. "Ok, we all knew this day would come. You know what you need to say?"

"Yeah. I've been practicing my puppy dog eyes for just this occasion." Ginny said.

"Just to be clear, we're gonna continue pranking them after this, right? Cuz that's something I'm never agreeing to." Said Nikki.

"I'll see what I can do." The triplets parted from the huddle and turned to address the expectant adults. Lindsey cleared her throat and began the speech she and her sisters had rehearsed dozens of times before. "Look, we understand. You guys are tired from seeing us try o so desperately to live out the childhoods that we were tragically robbed of. We get it, anyone could get tired of that."

"But let me ask you something," Nikki followed after her sister. "Would you? Would you try to endlessly indulge in the one thing that was so cruelly ripped away from you at such a tender, young age? Would you desperately cling onto the last little shreds of what you've almost lost in life for as long as you could, and do everything in your power to relive that last sliver endlessly? Or would you stomp on the dreams of three, tragically young children who are doing just that?"

"So, please, look deep inside your cold, undead hearts and take a good long look into out eyes." Ginny and her sisters all made puppy dog eyes at the adults. "We're sorry!" They said simultaneously.

The adults could only stare at the triplets as they processed the remarkably well delivered speech. They even started to clap for their performance, the sisters responding by bowing to their impromptu audience.

"My, my. You children must have spent a lot of time practicing that speech." Chambrea congratulated.

"So, does this mean you forgive us?"

"Oh, heavens no." The girls deflated at Potters statement. "We all know you three are just trying to manipulate us into letting you go scot free. That's not happening, unfortunately."

"So!" Amadeus exclaimed with a malevolent smile on his face. "What punishment will we be doling out on these three? I say we take away their TV privileges and take all of their little toys for a full month, who's with me?"

The triplets watched in horror as the adults started to talk amongst each other, clearly interested in the pianist's suggestion. But from within the chatter, their savior spoke up.

"Now hold it." The adults in the room turned to stare at Clem, who had been quite for the entirety of their little intervention. "It's my fault that they did this. I've been a bad father figure." He took the shocked looks of the others as a sign to continue. "Ya see, ever since I took these three young, impressionable goals under my wing, I've been indulging them in all of their little pranks and escapades, as a way ta bond and strengthen our relationship. But now Ah realize that the children are taking things too far, and it's my fault for not disciplining them enough. So, please, let me take charge in their punishment, as my duty as a father insists Ah do."

The other ghosts looked at the mechanic with awe, and some with admiration at the ghost's willingness to improve his parenting. Why Captain Fishook was even tearing up at the sight.

"If only me mum was as good as you. Let the man raise his kids." The pirate declared, and everyone agreed as they got up from their seats and started leaving the room, Chambrea and Steward in tears and hugging each other over the wonderful speech. The only one left in the room were the triplets, Amadeus and Clem. The pianist calmly floated over to the mechanic and eyed him over.

"You impress me, Clem. But if you can, please take my idea into consideration." He quickly whispered into the mechanics ear. He left the room, leaving only the triplets and Clem.

"Ugh, so, what's it gonna be, Clem? No more video games? Are you gonna lock us in a supply closet?" Nikki asked the mechanic, her sisters hanging their heads down in shame. They were surprised, however, to hear the mechanic ghost laughing for some reason.

"Heeheehehe! Aw, kids, a just said all those things ta get the others of yer backs."

"Wait, so you're not going to punish us?"

"Heck naw, I'd be a crummy dad if I let that happen." The mechanic grabbed the magicians in a hug, everyone laughing and giggling as he noogied Lindsey. "Still, Ah think ya should keep yer pranks on the down low for at least a week. Make 'em think Ah did what I said."

"That's fair. Besides, we have a few pranks that haven't happened yet. We stuffed Serpci's closet with a ton of those snakes in-a-can, and they should be going out any minute now." Lindsey giggled out.

"Well, just fer that, I ain't giving ya any more supplies fer the week either."

"Awwwww, Clem!"

"Hey, call me dad. Besides, I gotta do actual parenting at some point. Next week, we're gonna be breaking into the Professor's lab and paint all over Gravely's containment thingy."

They all laughed as they left the room.

Later that night, a scream could be heard from the 10th floor, a scream that can best be described as a regal woman having a can full of rubber snakes explode open, and her mistaking them for actual snakes. The triplets would wake up to their bedroom flooded with sand, and would unanimously agree that like all their other pranks, it was worth it.

* * *

**Next time, anger management with Amadeus Wollfgeist.**


End file.
